Happily Married w/ Kids...My Psychotherapeutic View

This woman wrote an article published on Yahoo about how to be happily married with kids except that she forgot to actually add in the kids part! She mentioned dating your husband WITHOUT the kiddos and hanging out with friends separate from your husband! I'm appalled. I'm a marriage and family therapist and these are the two things that often lead to marital issues. I'm not saying that attending a once a year happy hour for work is detrimental to your marriage or that going on a few dates alone with your husband is a bad thing, I'm saying that we decided to be parents. We decided to have and maintain a family, therefore we must take on the responsibility of raising this family. Is it hard? Heck yes! Would I love a bottle of a wine every night, yes but is it healthy for my family? No. Therapeutically...still NO! 

Let me describe what Nick and I do to be (mostly) happy! Then I'll describe to you what my patients often do that helps them maintain a happy and healthy marriage with kiddos. 

1.  First off, we always eat dinner or lunch together as a family. One meal a day, at a dinner table, no electronics, no alcohol, just genuine - raw- family time. We eat, we chat, we discuss kids and other important household things. We make it a point to eat together once a day...everyday! My patients swear by this:) 

2.  The kids definitely stick to daily routine three days a week and we stick to a really nice bed time routine. Our kids sleep late...I know, I know but somehow it just works for us. We start with a bath, short story, prayer and tuck into bed. They're usually out by 10pm. It just works:) so find a bed time routine that works for you. It doesn't have to be exactly like ours, but try one. PS it takes approximately 7 days to create a habit so even if it gets hard for a few days, stick it out!

3.  We have ADVENTURE days!!! We literally put ourselves (kids and all) into situations that stimulate us mentally, physically, and  emotionally. Our "thing" is hiking (right now). We have found almost every hiking trail in Austin, walked every trail in all the state parks in central Texas, and hiked in a lot of LCRA parks as well. My favorite park to hike at is Pedernales State Park. There are huge boulders we have to climb and water puddles to jump thru. My husband is often the superhero and will have to carry one or all of us over a boulder or thru a deep water hole and this builds more confidence in our family. It's almost like those lame ice breaker  "team building" exercises at the office meeting but this is real and fun:).  This also helps our kiddos trust each other. Often they will hold hands on a trail, share snacks,  find hiking sticks, work together to find the stuff on their scavenger hunt list, etc! So, find an adventure the entire family can participate in. (Please don't go put yourself in danger) it can be something like engaging in making dinner together, letting the kids choose a recipe, shop together, and prepare the dish together:) 

4. We actually do have "couple time". It's usually after all the little monsters are asleep! We'll watch a tv show, share a snack, drink coffee together, etc. we talk about interesting things, not just about the kids but deeper issues like our beliefs, ideas, hopes, aspirations, etc. we make each other laugh (I make him laugh the most) but we genuinely get along very well. If there is an issue or concern we usually try to settle it fast and move on. 

Nick Submission:

5. As a husband and father something that helps in our marriage is being able to try to help as much as possible. I know that we are all busy with our schedules but the little things can actually make a big difference. 

6. Communication is big as a couple. We work very hard in making sure we talk about how the day went at home and outside the home. We also discuss how the kiddos are doing, progressing in their learning and areas they need to improve on.

7. Be on the same page when it comes to parenting. Ensure that you and your spouse work as a team and have the same expectations for your kiddos because it reduces confusion and doesn't create the "good cop bad cop". 

8. Last, love unconditionally your loved ones because the love is returned immensely.